(From the Savage’s Journal)
23 Dec 1972
Woke up with a dull sensation of disconnection. What is the most scared I’ve ever been? Obviously a reminder that what was to come had already arrived. Had no appetite so went for a walk, life as we have been taught through the eager generations was displaying its grandeurs to the max. No man completely attached, not to himself as the man he ought to be, nor to his fellow man walking the same direction but not on the same path. All roads lead to Rome and when in Rome do as the Romans. Live, stay alive and die. Bought a rope today. A fine line of engineering and skill assembled in this stronger than life length of rope, a coil of the finest, plenty of possibilities. Smooth and flexible yet with steel-like qualities.
Why should you hold back because you come from nothing? //FS
There’s going to be a struggle
A brief encounter with true fear
Before the light fades to black
Life as you once knew it now irrelevant
Wants and needs a distant foe
Wait for the embrace
Stopped making sense, then grew older
The fire burns stronger in my gut
Hate you as fierce as I always have
Walking down the wet sidewalk looking good
Up and down the streets with no aim
Fighting fire with fire with fire
That with the rhythm of the Sea, is where I belong
Gently drifting on the open
Blue below and blue above
An old friend wanted to show me the way once, his way. Mindless racing, away from sanity and reasoning took overhand. His way forward and out had been through years of self-inflicted abuse, misreading of ones own needs and ability. In touch with his inner dreams and visions, his help to simulate my death for me was “orthodox” he wrote me some time after we had parted. I saw his demon that night, trust and love left the room while we were fighting different battles within ourselves. Seeing and hearing for the first time someone’s background reaching out, naked and open, scared me. Taking refuge in the submissive Omega wolf while letting his distant Alpha predator get a voice. Furious yet fragile eyes looking through and beyond me and not reaching its point of focus, breath stripped on natural breathing, hissing angst turning sour. Madness in the shape of a friend. Truly sad to see a friend turning away from you, turning with no warning as the liquid took over. I remembering the feeling of sadness, that this one of a handful of trusted friends could not read me, nor understand the core of my innermost beliefs. That I was the misinterpreted. Observing, prepared to strike, to search fast and destroy with a vengeance. Step over the line and you will be closer to the void or anything you believe you can handle, with me there is no holding back when the string of perseverance has been cut.
“Chaos Reigns”, said the Fox. Deep within, where the dark arrives early. Roots and stone, We face the night, chasing phantoms. Walk alone, down the path of most resistance, reaching a point, the point, is of no value, the void is full of findings for the man who looks and want to find. Loud figments of imagination, always walking by your side, keeping you active and alert.
Life is not a must, we are free to leave whenever we want. With this freedom within reach, love and trust comes easily. The only substance I need is to be me, breathing air, nothing else matters either before, during and after that. Feed yourself with what your body and mind is telling you, stay off the shortcuts and methods of the minions. Staying turned on clean and clear as the value of once existence is and should not be part of life, since life is and will always be priceless yet without value. Find and be your own Prima Materis, your own Magnum Opus, your own Philosopher Stone. My friend wanted to help me by showing me my way. It ended is chaos. Two individuals meet, show and share love and wisdom, receive and hand out experiences. Same two individuals part, goes on different paths in the same direction. Remember to forget and forgive as you respect and seek love in the moment of both//FS